Damn. Fuckingdamnbitchmotherfuckingdamnshit.
Well, I guess I'm really not that good. At least for them judges of the competition. I'm just a fucking nobody, and nobody gives too much shit for nobodys like me.
Hmmmm.... where to go next? What will happen next? Should I try again next year?
Well, life goes on, as usual.
Actually, somehow, I feel relieved that I have finally found out the results. It would have been much better if I won, of course, but what I mean is for the past 5 months, I had this lingering thought on me head about the competition. I wanted to win, God knows I did. I spent literally sleepless nights just to finish my submissions. My eyes were dead-set on the prize. But, poof! Dream's fucking over, mate.
I guess it's just my illusion of grandeur. I wanted to win the most prestigious literary award in the country (if I'm not mistaken) and be among the greats in Philippine literature. Who doesn't want fame and greatness? I do. Everybody does, in one way or another. It's just that it doesn't come too often. Being great is a once-in-a-lifetime event. And hopefully, I'd still have a bite of that event in the future.
Anyway, that's a chip off my shoulder now, or something like that. I feel very disappointed but that's ok. My time will come. Hopefully soon.
